witnessed child birth (july 10th).
hello beautiful perfection.
i didn't know i could love something so much that i'd only known really for 2 weeks.
i mean, i'm obsessed with this kid. seeing her grown in lakresha's stomach, watching her be born, seeing how much she's grown in the week i've been gone, all of these things are amazing.
watching such intense growth, it's quite remarkable.
i just love her so much. i want to be with her every day. i want to show her how much i love her. i want her to really feel how much her heavenly FATHER loves her, even if her earthly father is a punk. i don't want her to ever feel sad about that. even though i know she will.
i saw her today after being gone for 8 days. i was so excited, it was like i'd been gone for a month. she is precious to me. and to the lord. i just so strongly desire for her to know that.
i was at kamp the last week and watched a couple that had an 11 month old baby. i watched how that precious little girl loved her earthly father. he obviously means so much to her. my baby girl doesn't have that. it made me sad. i just pray that she would not feel such a void. that she would feel a physical love from her Father in heaven. oh baby khynaria, i love you.
i went to my first African wedding (July 19)
HELLO AMAZING.
one of my favorite African things I've attended. it was so precious to see the community come together. and the outfits were fun. and singing and dancing. plus precious children, all whom i love dearly. jeanine (perfect young lady, i talk about her a lot),
her dad got married.
also his dad.
i mean, i want you to be my child. son of the groom. beautifullllll
here comes the kicker. happy 22 to me, happy one year papa.
this has been the longest year of my entire life. the most trying and awful year i've ever experienced. i tried to ignore my birthday, it doesn't bring such great memories anymore. i don't feel like i dealt with it this year, but i think that's okay, sometimes it just hurts too much. i didnt talk to anyone about it except for my mom, but i knew what that day was. when i realize that it's been a whole year, it still makes me want to vomit. i think that will pass in time, i just can't believe it's been a year. a year is a long time. i have never been so broken and so fallen apart. i've been humbled and had the wind knocked out of me countless times.
but ya know what, i made it. i made it a year without him. i never would have thought i could do it. i have never missed anyone so much, i have never longed for a conversation so much, but the Lord has given me a strength i could not have envisioned for myself. but i still just miss him, so much. as much as i hate that i've lived a whole year of my life without him, now i feel like i can move on. i feel freed by it. which i guess is a good thing.
July 31 (in 4 days), 504 is falling apart. minus me and soph. as much i love them (we did our champagne toast tonight), i feel like i cannot move on while living in this house. i have too many memories. i think a new environment will allow for more growth, at least i hope anyways. but hey, now i can move on with my life.
here's to a new season of life, and to FINALLY letting go and moving on.
No comments:
Post a Comment