wink.

its weird for me to look at my last post, and see where things are now.
for those of you that don't know, my grandpa died on tuesday of last week, the 22nd.
i cant look that last post without feeling like i'm going to throw up.
he was one of the most important people in my whole world.
he loved me in a way that reflects how Jesus loves me.

i have never experienced loss this deep. i've never hurt this badly. it is a constant pain. and i know it cannot be relieved. i didn't know i could hurt this much.
there is nothing in the entire world i can do to fix this.
i am just so deeply sad. and i feel like no one understands. except for my mom and brothers.

i dont really want to write about it. that makes it too real. and that is too hard.
i probably won't want to talk about it either.
i just felt i was due for an update.
i also had a birthday. thanks for all the phone calls and text messages and emails.
i probably didn't return them. if i did, you are one of the lucky ones.

its amazing how many people have rallied around me in this time. i have gotten so much support from all of my friends. people have been so great. so thanks for that.

i dont have anything insightful to put up.
i wish i had something positive. but im still hurting a lot. the tears wont seem to stop.
i find very bad ways of numbing myself. i just dont really know how to respond.
i havent been grieving the way i thought i would.
i don't talk about it. but i think that's okay. i dont really know though.

looking at pictures doesn't hurt, at this moment. because this can't really be happening in my head. i could just drive over to his house and he will be sitting in his chair in his bedroom or out on the porch.
he's not supposed to leave me. he's supposed to be here. to take care of me and tell me how much he loves me.

i know i'll be ok in time. because he is with Jesus. that is way better. i just miss him.
he's not in pain. it was quick. he knew we loved him.
i just don't know columbia without him. he can't really be gone.
it just doesn't seem right.
my little world has been shattered. it's interesting to see how things have been put in perspective. i know people always say that, but it has really shown me a lot. things just don't seem that important anymore.

im just not ready to let go.

miss you papa.

say yes! to m!ch!gan

i took a little family vacay to the great state of michigan.
i will now show you all about my trip.


i would like to start by showing off my brother's awesome bike hair.



finger painting.








"If the lakes took
The place of the sea
If the cars drove themselves
Way to be!
Opposite the trains moving in
Rivers run interstate, Michigan!"












(I wish i could make this bigger. but then it won't fit.)











i put up with a lot of shenangians.
i got a huge bruise on my arm. thanks to samantha.
that is my fabulous trip in a photographic nutshell.
-mk

beast?

here i am. in michigan. today i decided, "I think i'll go for a little bike ride"

no. it was not little.

i rode 16 mo freakin miles around the lake.
up a hill that was probably over a mile long.
and i am alive to tell you all about it.
i nearly died, but i did not perish.

i made it. (thanks to stronger, by britney spears. that came on just at the right moment. at the end of the monster hill)

i have limited internet access, but i felt this post was necessary.

i biked around this mofo.





i pretty much can do anything now. bring it on world. i will dominate you
more to come later. ill be back in como sunday night. let's hang.



love, a very tan/buff version of the mary loring you once knew.

oh ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

so, today was the last day of my class. my 4 week class. it's over....! horray!
which also means (my) summer is basically all over the place from now on. i've been in columbia all of june.
friday i go home, saturday i go to michigan! my favorite place in the whole world. then im back for a week, then i go to k(ids) a(cross) a(merica). then i'm back for another 5 days, then i go to young life camp.

so anyways.
i was doing a little searching today.
and i found this.





i think it's amazing. look at minute 3:31
heart wrenching. i feel like they are really in love.
some day, some man will woo me like chris brown.
i love chris brown.
this video is in honor of biz.

okay. see you all in a week and a half.

-mk