my valentines.

these were my valentines this year.

probs.

here are my current issues:

-there is fly buzzing around in my room.
-it's huge. i can't get it out.
-i dont want to kill it. that's gross
-i can't shoo it out the door because...
-i have my bedroom door shut and locked. IM NOT OPENING IT.
-IM FREAKED OUT. [i watched this scary 48 hours thing. about a murder. im a wimp]
-please dont come murder me.
-no one else is home. no one else is coming home soon [elise, come home soon??]

-my right cheek is bright red. (bain. i believe it's called the asian flush?)
-it's 10 oclock. im in bed. getting ready to watch heros. [not a huge problem with me. but i feel -like other people would think its a problem]
-my right foot is frozen. (only one half of me experiences physical problems.)

-i might have melanoma. (joking. but a little serious. i have to go to the doctor. should i be worried?) i have a mysterious spot/mole/color and shape changing itchy weird looking thing on my cheek.
-don't judge.
-all of my friends are out of town (except for a few. they are all in relationships or losers.)
-my throat hurts. my chest hurts from coughing so much. even when i am not coughing i feel like i need to.
-my teeth feel dirty because i have basically only eaten candy all day. or for the last 3 days.
-it's possible that i might not survive until thursday at 10 am (thats when i get to leave and go to kc)
-i really like lists.
-i want to graduate. today.
-i did homework on a saturday night.

i'm not really complaining. but today, i have lots of things i would like to talk about and no one to talk about them with. if i had a valentine, i would tell him. but i am valentine-less. so i am blogging about these small problems.

-mary kate

i never thought i'd be on a boat

this might be the greatest thing i've ever seen.
watch it over. and over. and over.
-mary kate

spring

so many things today made me happy for spring.



let me start from the morning
-waking up and not being cold (i was even slightly joyful).
-not walking on a cold floor in the kitchen.
-wearing flip flops to class
-not having to wear a coat
-wearing my stunna shades

afternoon

-walking home from class in the most PERFECT weather ever
-driving with my windows down
-still wearing flip flops
-how happy everyone was because of the beautiful weather
-granny's house in nice weather is SO much fun
-kids playing outside
-having dirty feet after 5 seconds at granny's house in flip flops. i got my toes stepped on like, 8 times
-rowdy children (crazy, but fun)
-kids not being cold and having to wear coats and losing gloves.
-people just seemed happier overall.
-my plant growing in the living room.

evening

-driving home with my windows down. AT NIGHT!
-tulips at wal-mart
-a beautiful sunset
-RAINY EVENING!
-wearing my rain coat over to bring jeff a heating pad and meds
-hearing the rain outside my window while going to bed (will happen shortly)

basically. i love spring. i hate winter. it brings me down
i know it won't last. tomorrow it's supposed to be colder. but today, i soaked it in.




at least i know there's hope at the end of the tunnel.

revolutionary road

i just saw revolutionary rode. i can honestly say that was the most depressing two hours i've ever spent watching a movie.


don't get me wrong. it was great. very well done.
but utterly depressing.

firstly: i saw it by myself (my roommate said, "oh that's so carrie bradshaw of you!!" uh.. or loserish? independent? i think so). on a saturday night. after a long long day. already in a slightly sour mood.

second: i sort of lost faith in humanity. lost faith in suburbia. not that i had much faith in suburbia to begin with, but, either way. lost any ounce of it.

thirdly: it made life seem much more bleek. made me joyful, once again, for jesus

rotten tomato says: Brilliantly acted and emotionally powerful, Revolutionary Road is a handsome adaptation of Richard Yates' celebrated novel."
i would agree.

it's definitely no titanic.

jeanine.

so. it's been like, a long time since i blogged. so here i am.
here's a funny story for the blogging community:

this is jeanine. she is one of my favorite people. ever. top 5.
(she's the girl from the video below.)




(this is the look she frequently gives. it's like she's saying, "what the heck are you doing? i am so much cooler than you. you are crazy", but in a cute, hilarious way.)

at first, she is one of the most reserved little children. she rarely gets in a funny mood. the video is one of the few times she has consistently acted silly.

she doesn't usually look happy. but she is one the most HILARIOUS people i've ever met. when she smiles, it's like the world shines.


i mean, she lights up my life. every day. i am basically obsessed with her. i think she is perfect.

so, friday i was helping jeanine with homework (one of my favorite things to do. she gets really silly and laughs a lot.) so we are nearing the end of the homework, so she is feeling particularly silly. she is sitting on my lap, and all the sudden just lets out a huge fart and just starts cracking up.
i scream and say JEANINE!! did you do that on purpose?
of course she did. she thought it was just about the funniest thing she had ever done.

we literally laughed for 10 minutes.
and i do not thinking farting is funny. ever. this was the only time.

it was one of the funniest moments ever and i thought the blogging community would enjoy it. especially BIZ (she just got a blog).
so. i hope you laughed. probably not because i am not a funny story teller. but i hope you enjoyed the cute pictures of jeanine. because she is the cutest, ever.

love, mary katherine.

lovey

on a happier note:





this is the most perfect child God ever created.

love, mary kate

it's christmas time, so open up the flood gates

"This is my winter song.
december never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong"

alright so here it goes, the depressing holiday season entry. sorry. it had to happen at some point. and today has been one of the longest and most emotionally draining in many months.
i'm already on the breaking point of emotions, why not look at old christmas pictures and cry? they say it's healthy.



that being said, this is the point in the year when i just want to scream: what the eff.
the last few days have just been a whirlwind of emotions. so will the next 2 weeks.
the first christmas without him. i took these pictures last year at christmas.
what? how is it already here? im not ready.


he was the most precious thing to me. and where the hell is he?

brandi carlile words it well:

"It's right about Christmas time
Thinking about moving on
I think I might die inside"

this was the time of year i have been dreading. if i can just make it through christmas, ill be okay.i feel so aimless. like my heart has just become empty. my emotions are intensely amplified. like my heart has been taken apart. i could ignore it some of the time. now i can't. i feel this intense pain inside. today it has manifested into physical pain. so if i'm a little gloomy, i apologize. i am overcome with grief.

i know jesus was born. obviously. which is the only thing keeping me in christmas this year. so let's just celebrate the fact that jesus was born, and try to forget all the other parts about that day. focus on jesus.

"I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted."
later in the chapter he says this:
"You have rescued me. I will tell of your name to my brothers. in the midst of the congregation I will praise you."
-psalm 22

i'm going to focus on that. and try to block everything else out. all the pain and sadness.

that's all i got. hopefully the next christmas entry will be better.

love, mary kate

pack a change of clothes, because it's time to move on

here is a small collage of some hilarity.










these are some of my favorite pictures(of some of my favorite people) i have found in my photobooth.

smile. i promise i will too.
-marz.

the best day.

halloween is the best granny's house day ever.

i feel like i should probably just change my blog into the i love granny's house blog. i mean, are there any cuter, more perfect children in the whole world? i don't think so.

enjoy.

love, mary kate

i wanna jump from this ship of fools

sometimes this world overwhelms me. it is one big freakin mess.

when i really think about it. the little problems. the big problems.

no political figure can save us.

barack obama is not the second coming of jesus christ.

 im sure most of you know, he came to columbia today.

it was mass freakin chaos.

i did not attend. mainly because i hate large groups of people.

so i cannot help but be thankful for Jesus.

i am putting my hope in him. not in politics.

they cannot fix the world. it is an absolute sick nasty mess.

this world has nothing for me.

thank you Jesus.

whenever i'm feeling particularly helpless, i watch this joyous video. it is absolutely beautiful.

watch it and smile. 

after a night of political discussion, i need some hope.

 

if that does not warm your heart, you have no soul.

i think there will be precious african girls running around heaven, laughing all day.

love, mary kate

soapy marg

so tonight, my roomie elise (the one in the middle)
 

and i made margaritas. a nice experience and one we like to do on some evenings. 

so i'm sitting here just now, sippin on my marg. and i taste something weird, and bubbly.

soap.

sick.

apparently the soap was not cleaned out of my class very well, because it was a mix of lime and *apple* soap.

gew. 

i feel like that is just the way life has been latel

the little things are just all goin nuts. the big things are going nuts. as they have been for a while.

but when the little things go nuts, oh boy. that's when i lose it!

a soapy marg is not a good marg. 

i don't really have a purpose to this post, only to rant about my soapy margarita.

and to rant about the crappiness that is the world.

if you need a good laugh. watch this show.

i promise. you will not regret it.

you will chuckle for many years to come.

-marz.

go visible.

so today i discovered something.  the ability to go "invisible" on gmail chat.

it's interesting. i am currently invisible. it says, 

"mary kate loring

you are invisible

go visible?"

after noticing this, i was thinking. what if life was just like that.

you could just click a little button and bam. invisible. 

i could just go about my merry way without any bothers.

then if i saw someone i wanted to talk to, i could just click "go visible" then it would all be good.

that would be convenient.

i would very much enjoy that.

i guess that is part of my statement with my bangs.

if my bangs are down. do not talk to me.

ha! just kidding. i just kinda like them.

emily lewis, you should probably watch that.

enjoy.
=)

can i just say, i had many lovely things happen in the last 24 hours

- BEN FREAKIN FOLDS

first and foremost. new album. ah!

- meredith and i just met chase daniel. we are filming him tomorrow at 5:30. our video skit will be complete. finally.

- i had a class canceled, and both of my other two classes were basically worthless. so i was done with class at 10:30

-i got 2 lunches for the price of one and laughed A LOT at lunch. more than i have ever laughed.

- i got my hurr did. i have bangs. real bangs. this is my emo statement to the world. and now my hair is soft and smells delightful. and i got new shampoo. it smells like mint!

-i went to my grandpa's house and did not cry.  it's the little victories, right?

- check this out. part one

i dare you not to cry. part two.

the last part.

 

yeah boy. that was in the newspaper. 

i mean, look at the joy on her face.

the articles and the pictures are PHENOMINAL. way to go julia!

- i finished a paper. i still have many to go.

- i get to sleep in tomorrow.

-i spent time with basically all of my favorite people today. minus a few.

- i have a night to myself. for the first time in ever.

- i have the most darling, precious, beautiful, wonderful, perfect young life girls in the whole entire world. 

-i have the most great monday night bible study ever. vag. for life.

- i have seen the lord's faithfulness for the first time in 3 months.

 "though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop falls and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, lest i will rejoice in the LORD.  I will be joyful in God my savior.  The soverign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights" -habakkuk 3:17-19

im learning to take life one day at a time.

(also, check this out. she just put it up. its an audio slide show. its AMAZING!!!)

my calling in life.

i think i've missed my calling in life.

a runway model.

(GAHH!! that DRESS! oscar de la renta!)

i could walk around in fabulous garb every fashion week.

and look angry.

easy, right?

i would only have to lose like, 40 pounds. and grow like, 5 inches.

and get lots of plastic surgery.

do-able, right? ha!!

then i could be friends with him.

or i could be like MIA, in the spring 2008 ad.

oh me oh my.

riddle me this.

riddle me this.
why have i just now found out about a fine frenzy.




omg.
if she was a man, i would marry her.
i feel like she is singing the songs of my heart.
oh goodness me!

what an exciting development!

little lights.

watch this lovely documentary.



i have funny friends. they are my little lights.




and a most beautiful little girl that has returned to brightened up my days again.



it's the little things that are getting me through.
keep being my friend, please. ill be better eventually. not so grumpy.
im just hurting. i didn't know i could love this much. it seems to makes things hurt more than i thought they could. every section of my life seems to be falling apart.
ill be back soon enough. hopefully sooner rather than later.

-mary kate

wink.

its weird for me to look at my last post, and see where things are now.
for those of you that don't know, my grandpa died on tuesday of last week, the 22nd.
i cant look that last post without feeling like i'm going to throw up.
he was one of the most important people in my whole world.
he loved me in a way that reflects how Jesus loves me.

i have never experienced loss this deep. i've never hurt this badly. it is a constant pain. and i know it cannot be relieved. i didn't know i could hurt this much.
there is nothing in the entire world i can do to fix this.
i am just so deeply sad. and i feel like no one understands. except for my mom and brothers.

i dont really want to write about it. that makes it too real. and that is too hard.
i probably won't want to talk about it either.
i just felt i was due for an update.
i also had a birthday. thanks for all the phone calls and text messages and emails.
i probably didn't return them. if i did, you are one of the lucky ones.

its amazing how many people have rallied around me in this time. i have gotten so much support from all of my friends. people have been so great. so thanks for that.

i dont have anything insightful to put up.
i wish i had something positive. but im still hurting a lot. the tears wont seem to stop.
i find very bad ways of numbing myself. i just dont really know how to respond.
i havent been grieving the way i thought i would.
i don't talk about it. but i think that's okay. i dont really know though.

looking at pictures doesn't hurt, at this moment. because this can't really be happening in my head. i could just drive over to his house and he will be sitting in his chair in his bedroom or out on the porch.
he's not supposed to leave me. he's supposed to be here. to take care of me and tell me how much he loves me.

i know i'll be ok in time. because he is with Jesus. that is way better. i just miss him.
he's not in pain. it was quick. he knew we loved him.
i just don't know columbia without him. he can't really be gone.
it just doesn't seem right.
my little world has been shattered. it's interesting to see how things have been put in perspective. i know people always say that, but it has really shown me a lot. things just don't seem that important anymore.

im just not ready to let go.

miss you papa.